[ At least trolling is a recognisable form of communication x_X As is whatever emotion emanates from "absolutely just being a shit." Benevolent schadenfreude??

He tilts his head, mouth tugging at one corner in what is - for him, at least - a reasonable amount of good humor. ]

I mean, maybe I'm wrong about how much the authorities or whatever have to do around here, but finding the proper owner of coffee and Excedrin probably isn't gonna shoot straight to the top of the priority list.

[ Oh no, knowing its contents gives him away as the owner of the bag. Shit. ]